forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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