Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
