I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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