Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
