even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
