why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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