everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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