I will die if light touches me.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
