They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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