I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
not ubering you a puppy
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