Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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