Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
she pinky promised me she was 18
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
