3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Michael Bay diarrhea
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
