Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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