just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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