yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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