So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We need a shit load of segways right now
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
