please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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