I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I've blown a few things in my day
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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