Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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