Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
