You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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