I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
