The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
