Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
