Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
