So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
