just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
