Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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