I will die if light touches me.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I need water and some morals
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
