If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
