My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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