I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
It's shark week go big or go home
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
