rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
