literally had 100 drinks last night.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
