getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
