Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
