im drinking this country out of the recession.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
