Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
