I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
