did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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