Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
