So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
