I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
