I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
His hands were made for my vagina.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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