guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
