I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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