I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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