Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
