He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
