I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
